Do You Ever Feel Like a Bad Parent?

I do!! I feel like this often and it is a bad feeling that I just can't seem to shake. It's like a pit in my stomach. I really don't want to be THAT parent that everyone looks at like she has no control over her kids and just stands by and lets them walk all over her. Yes, I know that my kids are very young, but I long for them to listen to me. They are incredibly active and Jacob is going through a phase right now that isn't fun - attitude, need to be independent, not listening, temper tantrums, and the beginning of biting/hitting. I talked to his teacher today and she is having problems too. Not that I'm happy about it, but at least it's happening there too, so maybe it's not just us. Here are some examples lately that make me cringe inside.

Softball game

I took the kids to Dan's softball game last night. It was the first game that somewhat worked into their schedule and the weather was nice. I knew it would be a challenge given that neither kid can sit still. I pushed them in the double stroller with the plan to leave them in there as long as possible. Jacob wanted out the minute he was buckled in. When we got to the field Jacob started whining to get out. I reluctantly let him out and Bailey soon followed since I can't leave her there while I chase Jacob. Thankfully there was a playground about a 100 feet away that occupied them for awhile. Soon Jacob wanted to see daddy play. What he really wanted was to go onto the field, which I explained was not a possibility. I tried to get him interested in hanging out with the other children, who seemed so content and cooperative sitting or playing near the bleachers with their parents. Oh no, he just wanted to run around, visit the playground again, go out onto the field (which I explained again that could not happen), and back and forth.

I finally got him and Bailey settled with some Cheerios on the bleachers for a few minutes. Yay! Jacob then tried to climb up to the second tier and fell and scraped his knee. I usually carry with me everything that they could possibly need plus more whenever we go somewhere. Of course a bandaid was not with me. My friend passed her daughter (two days younger than Bailey) to her in-laws and grabbed Bailey from me so I could tend to Jacob without Bailey taking off. Another mom gave Jacob a bandaid since his knee was dripping blood down his leg and a kleenex would not do. Once that scene had settled, Jacob was back to his running back and forth with me carrying Bailey in tow. At least Bailey is content most times letting me carry her, otherwise she would have compounded the problem.

Finally at one point while chatting with a friend, Jacob seemed content standing next to me. Next thing I know he takes off in a dead sprint for the gate to the field. Onto the field he goes, and as soon as I expect the umpire to halt the game, Jacob runs into the dugout. I snuck in too in order to contain him until the play was done and get ourselves out of there. Finally as we're leaving to go home and I have Dan to help, Jacob takes off running towards the playground through players warming up for the next game. I threw Bailey to Dan and took off after Jacob who was running pretty fast I might add. Ugh!!

I'm at a complete loss with him. Reasoning with him doesn't work and yelling isn't a great alternative either. You can't really do a time out in that situation either. I felt like every single person out there was watching and judging, although it was probably just in my head. He runs off in other situations too and he refuses to hold our hand while crossing a parking lot. Do other parents go through this too? I'm just so exhausted!

Monkey

Bailey is part monkey. Literally. She climbs on EVERYTHING and gives us that look that she knows she isn't supposed to be doing it. Jacob didn't climb much, but when he did we quickly got him down. It's just not that easy now with two little ones to watch after. The other day I was helping Jacob empty out the potty so pee didn't get everywhere. When I turned around, Bailey was sitting on top of the kitchen table. Ok, address the safety of one or monitor clean-up of pee of the other?!! The thing about Bailey is is that she is pretty stable and doesn't fall. I still can't allow her to think climbing is okay though. I cannot get anything done because she needs constant monitoring now. She is literally teaching Jacob new things so he copies her. We had friends over one night and got out our Little Tykes picnic table for the older toddlers to eat from. This quickly became Bailey's new quest. She wouldn't stay off of it. Since I was busy getting things ready and Dan was grilling, I couldn't stay on top of her to stay down and she did fall off of it and get hurt. Inside I knew it was my fault and thought about what our friends must think of our parenting in letting her climb on it.

Outside play

I feel like I am constantly yelling at our kids outside to stop getting on this or that, stop running into the street, share the toys, etc.... Our poor neighbors must be so annoyed. Jacob never wants to go inside so it can be a real nightmare when I am by myself tyring to corral the kids inside and get everything picked up. I rarely take them out to the front of the house by myself for this reason in addition to my constant fear of one kid running one way and the other going the other way or perhaps into the street. I can't wait until this worry goes away!

At a garage sale last week I found the "123 Magic" book on disciplining and handling kids. I plan on reading it to try and get some ideas. Jacob's random temper tantrums are now daily and it's exhausting for all of us.

I love my kids, I really do. I feel lucky that they are healthy, have great personalities, love to play and enjoy life. I think every parent goes through trials with their kids and doubts their abilities at times. I just want to be a good mom and have others look at me and think the same!! I guess no one ever said this parenting thing was easy.