Do You Ever Feel Like a Bad Parent?

I do!! I feel like this often and it is a bad feeling that I just can't seem to shake. It's like a pit in my stomach. I really don't want to be THAT parent that everyone looks at like she has no control over her kids and just stands by and lets them walk all over her. Yes, I know that my kids are very young, but I long for them to listen to me. They are incredibly active and Jacob is going through a phase right now that isn't fun - attitude, need to be independent, not listening, temper tantrums, and the beginning of biting/hitting. I talked to his teacher today and she is having problems too. Not that I'm happy about it, but at least it's happening there too, so maybe it's not just us. Here are some examples lately that make me cringe inside.

Softball game

I took the kids to Dan's softball game last night. It was the first game that somewhat worked into their schedule and the weather was nice. I knew it would be a challenge given that neither kid can sit still. I pushed them in the double stroller with the plan to leave them in there as long as possible. Jacob wanted out the minute he was buckled in. When we got to the field Jacob started whining to get out. I reluctantly let him out and Bailey soon followed since I can't leave her there while I chase Jacob. Thankfully there was a playground about a 100 feet away that occupied them for awhile. Soon Jacob wanted to see daddy play. What he really wanted was to go onto the field, which I explained was not a possibility. I tried to get him interested in hanging out with the other children, who seemed so content and cooperative sitting or playing near the bleachers with their parents. Oh no, he just wanted to run around, visit the playground again, go out onto the field (which I explained again that could not happen), and back and forth.

I finally got him and Bailey settled with some Cheerios on the bleachers for a few minutes. Yay! Jacob then tried to climb up to the second tier and fell and scraped his knee. I usually carry with me everything that they could possibly need plus more whenever we go somewhere. Of course a bandaid was not with me. My friend passed her daughter (two days younger than Bailey) to her in-laws and grabbed Bailey from me so I could tend to Jacob without Bailey taking off. Another mom gave Jacob a bandaid since his knee was dripping blood down his leg and a kleenex would not do. Once that scene had settled, Jacob was back to his running back and forth with me carrying Bailey in tow. At least Bailey is content most times letting me carry her, otherwise she would have compounded the problem.

Finally at one point while chatting with a friend, Jacob seemed content standing next to me. Next thing I know he takes off in a dead sprint for the gate to the field. Onto the field he goes, and as soon as I expect the umpire to halt the game, Jacob runs into the dugout. I snuck in too in order to contain him until the play was done and get ourselves out of there. Finally as we're leaving to go home and I have Dan to help, Jacob takes off running towards the playground through players warming up for the next game. I threw Bailey to Dan and took off after Jacob who was running pretty fast I might add. Ugh!!

I'm at a complete loss with him. Reasoning with him doesn't work and yelling isn't a great alternative either. You can't really do a time out in that situation either. I felt like every single person out there was watching and judging, although it was probably just in my head. He runs off in other situations too and he refuses to hold our hand while crossing a parking lot. Do other parents go through this too? I'm just so exhausted!

Monkey

Bailey is part monkey. Literally. She climbs on EVERYTHING and gives us that look that she knows she isn't supposed to be doing it. Jacob didn't climb much, but when he did we quickly got him down. It's just not that easy now with two little ones to watch after. The other day I was helping Jacob empty out the potty so pee didn't get everywhere. When I turned around, Bailey was sitting on top of the kitchen table. Ok, address the safety of one or monitor clean-up of pee of the other?!! The thing about Bailey is is that she is pretty stable and doesn't fall. I still can't allow her to think climbing is okay though. I cannot get anything done because she needs constant monitoring now. She is literally teaching Jacob new things so he copies her. We had friends over one night and got out our Little Tykes picnic table for the older toddlers to eat from. This quickly became Bailey's new quest. She wouldn't stay off of it. Since I was busy getting things ready and Dan was grilling, I couldn't stay on top of her to stay down and she did fall off of it and get hurt. Inside I knew it was my fault and thought about what our friends must think of our parenting in letting her climb on it.

Outside play

I feel like I am constantly yelling at our kids outside to stop getting on this or that, stop running into the street, share the toys, etc.... Our poor neighbors must be so annoyed. Jacob never wants to go inside so it can be a real nightmare when I am by myself tyring to corral the kids inside and get everything picked up. I rarely take them out to the front of the house by myself for this reason in addition to my constant fear of one kid running one way and the other going the other way or perhaps into the street. I can't wait until this worry goes away!

At a garage sale last week I found the "123 Magic" book on disciplining and handling kids. I plan on reading it to try and get some ideas. Jacob's random temper tantrums are now daily and it's exhausting for all of us.

I love my kids, I really do. I feel lucky that they are healthy, have great personalities, love to play and enjoy life. I think every parent goes through trials with their kids and doubts their abilities at times. I just want to be a good mom and have others look at me and think the same!! I guess no one ever said this parenting thing was easy.

Pictures, Pictures, and More Pictures

I took advantage of the kids so kindly coordinating their naps together on a much-too-hot Sunday afternoon to go outside and do anything else and uploaded lots of pictures. Scroll down through the four posts below to see what we've been up to the last couple of months!

Outside Play

We love to spend time outside and the kids have a great time getting to run around and play with their outdoor toys. Here are some pictures of their adventures.

On a bike ride to the splash park

Bailey sitting on the frog

Jacob checking out the water spray

Jacob riding his tricycle

Kids playing in the water table

Sitting outside chilaxin'

Bailey climbing onto her slide

Bailey checking out the flowers

Earlier this spring on one of our first walks

Wedding Reception

Dan's cousin, Rachel, got married in April in Las Vegas and held the wedding reception last weekend. In between the chaos of trying to keep both kids entertained, contained, and out of trouble, we didn't get a lot of photos, but made up for it duirng the dance portion. It took a awhile for Jacob to warm up to the idea of dancing in front of people, but once the Cha Cha Slide came on he lit up! The cute part happened during a time when the kids were running around the dance floor and Bailey ran to one end and I told Jacob to go get her and dance with her. He ran to her grabbed her hand and the two walked back to us. It was so cute..... until Bailey couldn't keep up any longer and fell flat on her face. The crowd went from "Awe" to "Oh no". I didn't get a good picture of them holding hands, so I'm disappointed in that!

Anyways, it was a beautiful reception and it was great to spend time with Dan's family. Congrats to Rachel and Jason!!

Click below for the photo album!

Rachel and Jason's Wedding Reception

Memorial Day Visit with Dan's Family

We got to see Dan's brother and grandfather from Minnesotal and Cathy and her two girls on Memorial Day and had a nice cookout and visit with them at his mom's house. We wanted to get some group pictures because Dan's grandpa may not make it back down for a visit again because it is getting too difficult for him to travel, he is almost 96 after all!! Below are some pictures.

Group shot of the family (minus several who were not there)

Dan and his grandpa with the kids

Cathy and her kids

Dan's grandpa along with three out of the four siblings

Four grandkids - Jacob and Mackynzi are only a few days apart and so are Bailey and Riley

Jacob and Bailey

Bailey and Riley driving the Dora car

Jacob and Mackynzi

Grandma playing with bubbles with the kids

Mother's and Father's Day

Since I never created a Mother's Day post, I'll just combine Mother's and Father's Day pictures into one. Enjoy!

Mothers Day

Me with the kids

Jacob's gift he made me at daycare

Bailey's gift she made from daycare

Close-up of the gifts

Father's Day

Dan with the kids

Jacob's gift, a key chain, he made at daycare

Bailey's gift she made from daycare

My dad visiting on Father's Day

What we have been up to

Wow, this blog has sure gotten behind lately! I think about it daily and have lots of topics to write about, but never get to it. I usually write several blogs at one time and then space out their posting dates, but finding that chunk of time to write and upload picture has been hard. Life is good these days and below are little snippets of what we have been up to the last several weeks....

Potty training

Our little man is in the middle of potty training. He has been going on the potty randomly for the last two months and last weekend I decided it was time get more serious about it. We put him in underwear the first day to see how he would do and to teach him how it would feel if he had an accident. He peed every single time in the potty, with and without prompting. Pooping was another story. Let's just say that after cleaning up two of those accidents, we switched him to pull-ups for the second day. Amazingly, he still peed in the potty and even went poop in the potty once and earned a coloring book. I was anxious to see how he would do at school and he went on the potty all day long! So proud of him! It seems that pooping will be more of a learning process for him, but this is just the beginning and I think he is doing great.

Garage Sales

My addiction to garage sales continues. I have gone out a few times and took off last Friday to go. I'm still amazed at the deals you can find! It is such a high. I have gotten the kids clothes for fall and next summer, lots of shoes, snow boots, books, race car track, tee-ball set, coloring desk, bike trailer, bike helmets, and a step stool just in time for Jacob's potty training. I hope to get out more this summer to find more bargains.

We also had our own garage sale in May. We got rid of a lot of things lying around the house. No big baby items yet, just not ready to say we're done. If being a professional garage saler could earn me a good salary and benefits, I would quit my job to do it! Maybe it will be a retirement job. I love shopping sales and running them.

Playing Outside

We spend as much time outside as we can when we're home. The kids love it and I love being outside. Jacob is so much easier this year and can play pretty independently and doesn't run into the street like last year. He is also finally long enough to ride his new tricycles. I think that by the end of the summer, he will be really good at it. Bailey likes being outside too. As soon as we put sandals on, she heads to the patio door to go out. She is the one in the street this year. It makes me so nervous! You turn your head for a second and she takes off. We have taken the kids out in the bike trailer a few times now. I hope that we can do some longer rides this summer with them and maybe do a picnic lunch or something.

Visiting Family

We've visited family a couple of times this summer, once to Decatur and once to Lowpoint. We got to spend some time with Dan's older sister, her two girls (exact ages of Jacob and Bailey), his brother, and great-grandfather. I got some great pictures and will have to post them sometime.

Summer Plans

I have lots of plans for the summer, but don't know how much will actually happen. I have a conference in July in Minneapolis, so Dan will be riding solo with the kids for a few days. He also wants to take a trip up there to visit his family some time soon. We try and go to Chicago to visit Sharla each summer and go into Chicago. I'm hoping we can go sometime in July for a weekend when she's not working. I also would like to take a mini-trip with just the four of us somewhere relatively close, but Dan is resisting with the kids at the ages they are. I am just so desperate to get out of town and go on vacation! Other than that, my goal is to take off random days to take the kids to the pool and let them enjoy summer.

I'll make a point to work on pictures soon and post them. Hope everyone is enjoying your summer!!

Jacobisms

Jacob is quite the talker these days. He literally starts talking the minute he wakes up and honestly talks/sings himself to sleep every night. He is speaking very well, but will say the funniest things sometimes or get something mixed up. Below is a collection of things that he says quite a bit that make me laugh.

What you got?

I want popcorn (corn on the cob)

Silly Bus (city bus)

I'm too little (when he doesn't want to do something.... this is our excuse to him sometimes when we don't want him to touch or do something and now he's using the excuse for himself)

You make water? (asking me to fill the tub up with water during bathtime)

Look at Bailey (in a sing-song voice when he is tattling on Bailey)

We'll see or Sometime (his response to me when he asks me something and I teeter on the answer.... he's heard me say these too many times apparently!)

Five! (this is ALWAYS his response when we ask how many of something he wants)

Ewwww, that's nasty! (when he watches me change Bailey's poopy diaper)

Yup (this is one of those things I realized that I say a lot, but had no idea!)

You okay? (with a very concerned look in his eyes.... whenever he sees one of us with a cut, scratch, or bruise

I'm sorry (after I was at my breaking point one day and told him I was tired)

And lastly, a translation of Bailey's babbling on the way to daycare this morning.... I asked Jacob what Bailey was saying and he said "booty".