Bittersweet Mother's Day

Over the last six years, Mother's Day has been the one day of year that I wish would just pass by quickly. After losing my mom in December 2002, Mother's Day is that one day each year that is a harsh reminder that she isn't here anymore. On the otherhand, this year will be my first time that I can celebrate being a mom.

I thought that I would take time today to pay tribute and talk about my mom. She was definitely a lively person who made a lot of friends and tried to live life the best way she knew how. Even in her final months when her illness was getting the best of her, she hardly ever complained and continued on as if everything was okay. She kept her diseases a secret (Lupus and Schleroderma) because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her and treat her any different. She put all her energy into being there for my sister and I growing up and never missed (or my dad) any of our countless sporting events, concerts, etc... She even made a point to support Dan in all of his road races in Decatur. It is difficult because losing my mom at a young age, I had just started to appreciate her. I feel sad that I never really got the opportunity to thank her for all that she did for us. She was such a giver in life.

I try and not dwell on the fact that my mother is no longer here, but sometimes it is hard not to. I feel extremely blessed that I had 24 years with her, while others never even get that long. What does sadden me though is the fact that she never got to meet Jacob (or any other future grandchildren). I really feel sorry for Jacob because he is going to miss out in knowing his grandma. What I do plan on doing is making sure he gets to know her through stories and pictures. My dad made my sister and I each a photo album of pictures of our mom and us growing up. It was just about the sweetest gift I have ever gotten. It will be so great to show Jacob these pictures.

I think that when tragedy strikes, it is natural to react with a "why me?" I believe that these times of distress are what shapes who we are. When my mom died, the pastor explained to us that it wasn't God's plan for her to die at a young age. That is so hard to understand. What I think God's plan is is to test us and see how we come out of the situation. You can either drown in your sorrow and think about all of the negativity that the situation has dealt you or you can try and see how you can evolve from the circumstance and make the best of it. Not having a mom is definitely trying at times, especially during life changes when you want her there to celebrate with or when you have a question about a recipe, but I have definitely become a stronger person from it. You learn that life if fragile and how to live life to the fullest.

Take time this Mother's Day to express your appreciation for all of the mothers in your life. Now that I am a mother, I better understand all of the sacrifice and worry that goes into parenting a child (and I'm just getting started!).

We are planning to celebrate the day by having family over to the house for a cookout. It is always nice having both our families over to just relax and eat. I plan on giving my grandmother an extra big hug today. She has been so great to my sister and I over the years, especially after my mom died. She is about as motherly as they come and just the sweetest person on the planet. Dan's mom will also be coming to our house and she raised four kids (bless her heart) and spends a good deal a time with our niece who just adores her. She is an extremely hard worker who never gets a moment of peace to herself, so I hope that she is able to sit back and relax some today.

Happy Mother's Day!!

(If I can figure out my scanner, I'll post some pictures of my mom later)