Seven Years Ago

I have several blog ideas in mind for this week (Thanksgiving with the Engel cousins, preparation for Christmas, fun pictures of the kids), but my heart wants to do one remembering my mom. Seven years ago tomorrow she died. There is really no easy way to come out and say it. It is hard to believe that it has been seven years, so much has happened. I started and finished my MBA, my Dad retired, Sharla moved up to Chicago and completed her radiology degree, Dan and I have had two kids, Dad moved into a new house and got remarried, the list goes on and on.

The hardest part for me not having my mom here today is knowing what she is missing out on. Sharla and I have really grown up and become the best friends my mom always wished us to be. (We fought like cats and dogs growing up and my mom frequently was in tears over it.) I hate that we have been cheated out on the friendship that most mothers and daughters form once they hit the adult years. I also feel sad over the fact that our kids will never know her. She would have been in their lives so much we probably would have had to set some boundaries and told her not to visit as much. I joke about this often! What a good problem that would have been to have though. Jacob and Bailey have formed a good relationship my dad's new wife, Debbie, and Jacob calls her "grandma" which is absolutely okay with me. She may not be blood, but they will always see her as their grandma and I love that. Dan's mom also gets to play grandma, but with eight grandchildren it is a bit chaotic when we all get together.

My mom was a great person and taught me more than I realized growing up. Now that I am a mom, I have a lot of "aha" moments when I see what my mom was trying to teach us all of those years!

This post is not meant to be a downer, but a way to memorialize this day. Although in the beginning it was tough to understand why God took her, I do see His plan in several ways. She was suffering so much in that last year, that it really wasn't fair for her to go through it all anymore. Her body simply quit. She was a silent sufferer, yet always tried to keep a smile on her face. Her death has made me a much stronger person. After she died, I had to become more independent. I could no longer call her for advice or ask for help on something. This became so evident when the kids were born and we had to figure it out on our own.

I like to think that my mom is an angel helping us walk through life here on Earth. I truly think she had a little something to do with the kids being born. I look at Jacob as a blessing after trying so long for him, but Bailey is our miracle girl who was so unexpected, yet such a gift. My mom would have been on cloud nine with her grandchildren and I firmly believe that she is getting thrill up in Heaven watching them grow up and probably getting a kick out of watching me struggle with them just like she did with Sharla and I :)

Here are some pictures of my mom....

Mom, me (almost 4), Sharla (7 months)

One of my favorite memories as a child - cross country skiing

Out west during one of our vacations. This vacation we went to Yellowstone, Colorado, Grand Canyon, Arizona, and several national parks. To this day, this is one of my favorite vacations and this is my favorite picture of my family growing up. (1993)

Goofing around during our annual Easter picture. My guess is Sharla said/did something funny to make us laugh. Laughter was never missing in our house growing up!

Annual Christmas picture (1997)

Taken while decorating for my wedding reception.

Last Christmas picture. Dan and I hosted Christmas at our house for the first time. We didn't have much furniture and the cooking was mediocre, but we still had a good time.

Last picture I have of my mom, taken with Rascal right after we got him. (October 2002)